We have been waiting on a test to come back to see if I have a certain chromosome called the Philadelphia ... and … I am negative! That was the last piece of the puzzle to be put into place.
Chemotherapy will start imminently. How am I feeling about that? I’m scared, I’m angry, I’m worried about what is to come … but I’m ok! I don’t have a choice. Bit like being pregnant really … it’s inside of you and it has to come out. I’m ready for it to be out. I get extremely fatigued easily, and I often take a nap. Gemmy bought me up her teddy she has had since a baby and it gives me comfort. 42 years old and cuddling a ted to sleep!
Hours upon hours I have sat or laid here in this hospital bed and wondered what’s going on inside of me. You imagine the cancer cells moving around, how much damage they are doing and if the amount of steroids I am on are blowing them up (which they do!) I’ve got a battle going in inside of me that I can’t see. A game of cops and robbers and I am hoping the cops are gaining the upper hand. Once the chemo starts it will be like the special forces coming in … no more little pews pews, the big guns will be in town!
My hair is going to fall out, but I already know I have a good, shaped noggin, I can rock it! My eyebrows will disappear, this I’m not so ok with but it’s a small price to pay. It’s just when the brows go, you look so sick. I know I’m sick, but I’m not allowing my head to go to the place that I’m really sick! I’m going to cop nausea and vomiting on a level that I really won’t allow my head to go to, but when it comes, I will stand as tall as I can, put my big girl knickers on and face it. Whatever it takes.
My immunity will be next to nothing. In simple terms, they have to kill every cell in my body, good and bad and then allow me to grow them all back, clear of cancer and stronger. There will be an amount of time that I will be stuck in what they call here “The Bubble”. I will be able to see visitors, but rules will be quite stringent, and no bugs will be allowed!!!!
I’ve had to have four platelet transplants and three blood transfusions now, my goon bags of red and butterscotch schnapps! These have been super important to keep my levels up that I have a chance to fight. So, I beg you, if you can go and donate blood. It really is saving people’s lives just by a simple act of giving. Whilst you are there ask to be put on the bone marrow registry. This is a big possibility for me, and I am crossing fingers, toes and everything else that IF I need a transplant, I have a match. You could do this for someone!
I need to keep the weight and muscle on if I can. I’ve managed to gain 27 chins, kankles and lots of fluid in the last week. I’m sick of peeing into bed pans that look like paper mache’ hats and feel bad for the nurses who have to pick up my "little treats" I leave for them and measure my pee! They have to measure my input and output as my internal organs could get crushed if I load up on too much fluid, my body could turn toxic. The chemo is going to try and upset other organs such as my heart, kidneys and liver so everything needs to be closely monitored and trust me when I say they are not leaving any stone unturned. I am being very closely watched! My heart is strong (how could it not be with all the support it has around it) my kidneys are working well because I’m peeing like a racehorse and my liver … well … if chemo doesn’t hurt it the whiskey I have when I finally get home might!
I had a spinal tap yesterday. This is because Leukaemia likes to hide out in the spinal fluid! Cheeky!! It wasn't the most pleasant experience, but we got it on the fourth attempt. I put my air pods in, turned on John Farnham and Olivia Newton Johns song 'Dare to Dream' on repeat and just manifested that it worked and bingo .... we got it.
Regardless of the results if the bastard is hanging out in there, they also put chemo straight into my spinal fluid … just to make sure! This procedure can cause cracking headaches and I was ordered to drink caffeine. Fully loaded Coke with sugar or strong coffee. Did you know that caffeine helps to rebuild spinal fluid? When the doctor orders, it you have to do it! I had to lay flat on my back for 90 minutes afterwards so a straw would have been helpful ... but a challenge is a challenge! Sipping coke, flat on my back, sideways and I didn't dribble once. Winning!
Multiple times a day we Facetime as a family, just to check in. I love seeing the girls faces and it makes me feel closer to them. Thats the worst part of all of this. I love being a Mum and I can't wait to get home so I can continue to yell at them, tell them what to do and complain about how they haven't hung the washing up properly. Some people would let that go, but I am somewhat a perfectionist! Just for your entertainment I have included a pic of the chin war we have going on. I am still clearly winning (and over exaggerating .... don't judge!!!)
So, as you can see, they are hitting it from all angles. As of tonight (Wednesday) my blood is good! The massive amounts of steroids I have been on has been doing the job and breaking up the cancer cells. No “blasts” in my blood tonight … so let’s get into it and keep them away!
I’m still scared, it worries me that I will hit a mountain I will have to climb at some point in this journey, and that my body won’t keep up, but remission is in my sights and I’m going hard. So … here we go! Kate’s cancer fight 2.0 is a go … watch out Leukaemia, your arse is mine!
Dare to Dream!